Ahoy!

I have been stranded at sea for 44 days and 44 nights because some fool convinced me to go fishing without my motor. It was going fine until the tides held and the winds shifted and I found myself adrift with nothing but my Zyn-backpack to keep me alive and thriving!

While afloat I encountered many previously unknown packs of fish and return now with all manner of mackerel and marlins $$$$. I calculate that this haul has the potential to lower fish prices in the greater Providence area by 5% for the remainder of the season.

Last night, by the grace of GOD, the tides came in and I awoke to find myself safely docked at harbor (albeit with shoddier than usual line-work). Let this be a lesson to any young sailor keen on trying his luck with ore rather than oil.

Ahoy!

Last night I was visited by a spirit in my dream who gave me directions that will lead to great profit in my near future! The spirit has commanded me to go fishing with the same tools of oceanic locomotion used by my many forefathers: ores.

She said, “leave behind your motor and go forth using only your strength, and you will see profit!” I look forward to updating y’all soon.

Ahoy!

I have a new business idea that I am very excited about. I am going to sell air from the 1990s. I have been collecting air from the 1990s for the past 10 years and I have a lot of it. I think that people will pay a lot of money for air because it was a simpler time and the air was cleaner. I am going to sell the air in jars and I am going to call it Old Air. I think that this is going to be a very successful business and I am very excited about it.

Ahoy!

After a long chat with a close friend it is with great sadness that I inform you I have given up the life of a fisherman and will live on land. I enjoy grass and trees and air that is warm and unsalty too much and will be selling the Langosteeno. HAHAHAHA APRIL FOOLS I love the sea and all of it’s creatures god bless.

From the desk of John Salmon, April 2nd, 2023